When Calm Feels Far Away: Mothers Share What Works | Lessons from Fitrah First Mothers
Every parent knows the moment when emotions boil over—tiny feet stomping, loud cries filling the house, or an argument that spirals quickly. In those moments, we wonder: What really helps my child calm down?
Last Thursday, on 18/09/2025, our Parenting Circle opened this very question for discussion: “What helps your child calm down fastest at home?” The answers we received were touching, honest, and full of practical wisdom. And what stood out most was how much love and connection mothers bring into their parenting, even amidst struggles.
🌸 Voices of Mothers
When asked what helps their children calm down, many mothers spoke from the heart, revealing that the key often lies not in grand strategies but in small, consistent gestures of love.
🤗 Hugs, Compassion, and Validation
For some, the first step was simply to acknowledge what their child was going through. One mother shared: “For me, acknowledging what’s happening to them and showing compassion helps. Then we talk about solutions. Connect before you correct.” Another echoed the same, explaining that when she kneels down to her child’s level, hugs them, and validates their feelings, the storm begins to settle in just minutes.
📖 Faith-Filled Moments
Others found calm through faith-centered routines. Several mothers mentioned that when bedtime emotions ran high, reading the Seerah of the Prophet ﷺ and stories of the Sahabah worked wonders. One mother beautifully described how her children light up when she joins them in reading: “Kids enjoy it a lot when Mom joins them.” Mothers of infants also spoke about how even the youngest hearts respond to faith. A mother of a 10-month-old explained: “It’s always the Adhan. She becomes mesmerized and stops crying when she hears it.” Another with a 5-month-old shared that reciting Qur’an or Takbeer brings immediate calm. SubhanAllah, even babies seem naturally drawn to the remembrance of Allah.
🏡 Simple Distractions and Chores
There were also practical strategies rooted in daily life and play. A few mothers mentioned that distraction through chores helps, especially when children feel they are contributing to the household. “She feels she’s not just treated like a kid but is involved in something important,” one wrote. Others said that simple activities—like water play, sitting in a cozy corner, or flipping through books together—often shifted the mood.
💞 Honest Struggles and Apologies
At the same time, mothers were refreshingly honest about their struggles with patience. Some admitted to losing their temper when overwhelmed or unwell. One mother shared: “These days, I don’t know why, but I’m losing my calm more often—even on things that didn’t bother me before. I feel my postpartum period is hitting me hard.” Yet she also reflected on the healing power of humility: “A genuine apology and expressing myself before my elder two helps them to understand me.” Another mother described how, after shouting, she would later call her children close, apologize, and explain calmly why their behavior was wrong.
What emerges from these voices is not perfection but sincerity. Mothers spoke about apologizing, affirming love, offering hugs, and even saying “sorry” to their little ones. One wrote: “Even a small sorry shows them that wrong is wrong, no matter the age.” This honesty models for children that mistakes are part of life, but reconciliation and compassion are the true strength of family bonds.
In the end, whether through hugs, Qur’an, stories, chores, or apologies, one truth shone through all these voices: calm begins with connection.
🌿 The Islamic Perspective
Our beloved Prophet ﷺ was the best example of patience and gentleness with children. He never struck or scolded harshly. Instead, he guided with calm reasoning and affection. When a young boy once asked for permission to commit a sin, the Prophet ﷺ didn’t react with anger. He spoke gently, helping the boy see the wisdom behind staying away from sin (Musnad Ahmad 22211).
This reflects a timeless principle in parenting: connection before correction.
The Prophet ﷺ also reminded us that strength is not in overpowering anger but in mastering it:
“The strong man is not the one who can wrestle, but the strong man is the one who controls himself at the time of anger.” (Saheeh Bukhari 6114)
Turning to Qur’an, Adhan, and dhikr in moments of chaos not only anchors us spiritually but also creates a calm environment where children feel secure.
🧠 Psychology and Science Agree
What mothers in our Parenting Circle shared is not only rooted in compassion and faith—it is also strongly supported by psychology and neuroscience.
🤗 The Science of a Hug
Modern research shows that a simple hug has measurable effects on the brain and body. When a parent embraces a child, the hormone oxytocin is released. This “bonding hormone” lowers cortisol (the stress hormone), slows down heart rate, and helps both parent and child feel safe again. It’s not just emotional comfort—it is a biological reset. This explains why so many mothers instinctively reach for a hug when emotions run high.
🗣 Emotional Validation Matters
Another important factor is emotional validation. Psychologists explain that when children cry or scream, the emotional part of their brain (the amygdala) is in charge. Reasoning at that moment often fails. But when a parent kneels down, listens, and gently names the child’s feelings—“I can see you’re upset because your toy broke”—it activates the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s logical center. This shift helps the child regulate faster. One study from the University of California found that children whose emotions were acknowledged calmed nearly twice as quickly as those who were simply told to “stop crying.”
🌿 The Parent’s Calm Sets the Tone
Equally important is the parent’s state of mind. Neuroscience shows that children mirror the emotional state of their caregivers through a process called “emotional contagion.” If a parent raises their voice in frustration, the child’s nervous system escalates too. But when the parent lowers their tone, breathes slowly, and models calm, the child unconsciously mirrors that state. This scientific insight aligns beautifully with what one of our mothers wrote: “Me staying calm in the first place makes all the difference.”
📖 Rhythms of Faith and Calm
Finally, routines and rhythms rooted in faith practices also find support in psychology. The soothing, repetitive patterns of Qur’an recitation, Adhan, or dhikr function like guided breathing exercises. They provide predictability, which is one of the strongest calming signals for a child’s nervous system. Infants especially benefit, as studies show they are highly responsive to rhythmic sound and tone. No wonder so many mothers in our Circle shared that their babies quieten instantly at the sound of Qur’an or Adhan.
🕌 Islam and Science in Harmony
In short, modern science validates what Islam has taught for centuries: gentleness, emotional connection, and remembrance of Allah bring real calm—both spiritually and biologically.
🌷 Final Reflection
Parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. Our Circle discussions reminded us that calm doesn’t come from control; it comes from connection. Whether through hugs, Qur’an, stories, or simply sitting beside a child, love is the bridge back to peace.
And when mistakes happen—as they will—our sincere apologies, patience, and renewed intention for Allah turn even our struggles into lessons.
✨ The message from last Thursday was clear:
Connection before correction.
May Allah grant us patience, gentleness, and wisdom in raising our children, and may He make our homes places of tranquility and mercy. 🤲
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